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Stereomud: Every given moment
25/05/09 || GardensTale
“Stereomud”? Are you fucking kidding me? What does that even mean? Someone stuffing both your ears with water and sand instead of just one? A perfectly good stereo filled with mud? Or the musical equivalence of the stinking, sticky goo you find on the beach when an oiltanker broke apart again and spilled all of its fucking crap across the beach?
I’m guessing the last one because no way in fucking hell can anyone with any sense of music think this is good. One hint: it’s alternative metal. That’s right, run for your fucking lives. This shit is so bland it makes me want to hurl after the first song. By the time the whining, bland, cumgargling, penis-devouring, pubic hair from teeth-picking cockjuggler that is this band’s singer demonstrates his total inability to please the ear a second time, I feel like smashing someone’s skull in with a sledgehammer made of houses. Preferably the musicians on here. Or well, musicians… that’s giving them too much credit.
Oh god, the third song started. And it’s worse than the previous ones. That’s right, after the incredibly horrifying experience of the opening songs, this guy has the absolute void of balls to go HIM on us. I won’t even post lyrics here. You’ve all read them, or heard them. Hundreds of fucking times whenever that one horribly retarded mallcore kid who thinks he’s allowed to hang with your clan wants you to hear something he thinks is good. Here’s a hint: It. Is. Not. The guitars churn out the same three powerchords, not just through one song, throughout the entire fucking album. The drums… T-the drrrrrums…
Fuck it, my brain shuts down when I even try to dissect this. It’s physically nauseating. It’s so absolutely miserable in every single aspect there is no use trying to dissect it. It’s like truckloads of gorilla dung smashing into each other, the dung catching on fire, and then the trucks overturn against each other, creating one big pile of smoldering shit. The guy in the middle, getting not covered but fucking suffocated by the shit? That’s you, the listener. Don’t listen to this, ever. That’s not an advice, it’s a fucking warning. We want you to save your ears for shit that’s good. Those ears will fall off when they come into contact with this. I’ve called the hospital to have mine reattached, and they asked me why they fell off. “Stereomud,” I said. “Dammit,” said the doctor, “that’s the ninth one this week. Twelve penises fell off, too.”
If you haven’t noticed: this is a very bad album.
1 out of fucking 10.
- Information
- Released: 2003
- Label: Columbia Records
- Website: Stereomud MySpace
- Band
- Erik Rogers: vocals
- Corey Lowery: bass, vocals
- Dan Richardson: drums
- John Fattoruso: guitars
- Joey Zampella: guitars
- Jamie Muhoberac: keyboards
- Tracklist
- 01. Show me
- 02. Anything but Jesus
- 03. Breathing
- 04. Define this
- 05. Control freak
- 06. Drop down
- 07. Coming home
- 08. Fallen
- 09. Yesterday
- 10. My addiction
- 11. Searching
